If you recall, I went to a wedding in my village last October. It was the wedding of a couple I had never met and still don’t know how they were related to my former host family. This wedding, however, was a little different. This time I was invited by MacKenzie’s host family. MacKenzie is the closest volunteer to me geographically so I visit him regularly. I’ve gotten to know his host family and, especially since moving to live in a more private situation, it’s really nice to be able to go over there to hang out and talk with Moldovans. I’ve also been there for all major holidays and traditions since moving out last spring. So when MacKenzie’s host brother, who is about 30 and lives and works in Moscow, decided to get married this summer, they invited me.
The first major difference between the first wedding I went to and this one is that this one was in Chisinau. Petru (MacKenzie’s host brother) is originally from MacKenzie’s village but his now-wife is from Cahoul, a raion (county) far in the South of Moldova. They decided to be fair to both families (and to get a swankier wedding) that they would do it in Chisinau so everyone could meet in the middle. It was hosted by a restaurant that specializes in weddings and there were two other weddings going on there (in different areas of the building) the night we were there.
The gist of a Moldovan wedding is that everyone shows up at maybe 6pm or so and we dance for awhile. Then we all sit down and eat a huge meal for another hour or so. Then we dance some more. Then they call us back to the table and we eat a second and third course. Then we watch some traditional dancers perform for the bride and groom. Then we eat some more. And so on and so forth.
Mixed into this, also, are little traditional things like the bride and groom each grab a chalah (traditional Eastern European baked bread shaped like a braided ring), one hand on each side, pull, and whoever gets the bigger piece will be the head of the household (i.e. will wear the pants in the marriage). Lilia, Petru’s wife, won that one.
Another tradition they have is that at one point in the evening everyone who has bought a physical gift for the couple brings it up and has to either balance 
it or wrap them in it. Since most of these gifts end up being towels or bed linins it works but it looks kind of odd to Americans.
The dancing and eating with short breaks mixed in goes until at least 4am. This is absolutely standard for a wedding in Moldova. It’s a marathon and you have to be prepared but they have coffee available at all times so it’s doable if you get mentally prepared.
It was really nice to have another American there to talk to, which makes the time go faster. Generally at big celebrations we volunteers get kind of brought as token pieces of interest but after the initial reaction of people coming up and asking all sorts of questions about what we’re doing here and if we’re going to marry a Moldovan, etc, etc, we kind of get left to our own devices, which can make staying up all night a bit of a challenge.
The other major difference about a Moldovan wedding that it took me a year to fully understand is this: A Moldovan wedding is not simply a celebration of a union like American weddings are. In fact, Moldovans only invite family to what we would call the reception and no one even goes to the ceremony in the church that they have early in the day. Moldovan wedding are fund-raisers for the couple. The most important part of the evening is when all the guests stand up and take turns giving the couple money. This is strange for an American because, (something I only noticed about America once I left it), Americans are embarrassed by money as gifts and it’s considered a “real” gift only if it’s in any form except cold hard cash. The Moldovans think differently. Couples don’t move in together until they are married (seriously – almost NEVER) and most of the time the couple, despite being adults, will have been living with their parents up until this very day (and maybe for awhile after they are first married). They do not make much money, usually, and consequently, the wedding is a time for their friends and family to contribute money to help them find a place to live, set up a house, buy things they need, and get their life started together. Once I really thought about it I realized that, honestly, salaries are so low (generally speaking) here in Moldova that most couples honestly would never be able to afford their own place and their own life if it weren’t for the wedding tradition in Moldova.
When I was at the wedding in my village all the money was given in Moldovan lei, but at this wedding the couple received a lot of cash in euro – as in the giver went to the bank and changed their money so they could give euros instead of lei. There was even one older couple that gave American dollars. This was a big mystery to me until someone pointed out that Moldovans don’t use banks (more on that in a later post) so having some money tied up and stored in a currency that is much stronger than the lei is almost like having something stored in the bank. You can’t use euros here and a 100 euro bank note is worth almost 1500 Moldovan lei, which is about as much for the Moldovans as it sounds (i.e. a LOT of money).
Anyway, that’s enough cultural analysis. Below please find two links. One is me dancing the hora (traditional Moldovan circle dance – this is how almost all the dancing gets done at celebrations like this). I’m wearing a white top and a navy skirt. The second link is of 4 or 5 men who got really trashed and at about 3 in the morning decided to do a concentrated hora on their own. Very Eastern European. Enjoy!
